Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Following the events of ex-class actor Robert Langdon's chase through Rome armed with nothing but a MacGuffin and an irrelevant plot device, the Roman and Vatican City police force are once again hit with a conspiracy worthy of another episode of Dan Brown's True Judeo-Christian Holy Ghost Stories.

The Man Utd squad was reportedly to have gone missing the night before the game before reappearing at the hotel 4 hours later. At the press conference after the Champions League Final, Capt. Nico Joe Joe Machiavelli was reluctant to release much information to the press, saying only,"right now, our only clue remains that of Man Utd's 3.7% possession."

Rumours are that Mavericks FC, a club currently residing in the far corners of civilization in an area called Bedok Green, are somehow involved. A Mavericks FC spokesperson, who only wanted to be known as an helicopter lover, spoke to our paper saying, "These allegations are completely untrue. The team has proven in previous matches that they are well capable of getting anywhere from 5 - 7% amounts of possession in a football match. These attacks are merely ploys used by the Vatican police to draw us out of our jungled shithole to watch their movies of contrived conspiracies with high production value. We Shall Not Be Moved! Helicopter !"

Other suspects include Alan Shearer.

- TribalBollox.com

Match Preview

Date: 30 May 09
Venue: Bedok Green Sec (again....)
Kick off: 3pm
Opponent: Uncles of Doom (Team Uncles II: The Second Coming)
Kit: White
Cost: $100

Players available:

• Alex
• Clement
• Jiun Wei
• Chuan Ji
  
• Chris
• Chao Xing
• Seng Yew
• Darran
• Chung Wei
• Barry
• Kee Siang
  
• Faizy
  
• Amir
• Jerome
  

Mavericks FC will be looking to extend their beaten streak to 5 matches after inspiration from Newcastle United, which recently got into the very prestigious Coca Cola league.

In other news, several Mavericks players were out partying after the 1-0 defeat to NUS Viet FC. Chris has been spotted grinding Chuan Ji on the dancefloor while Chin Yuen and Kee Siang were seen smoking marijuana in a corner at Double O. Sources state that they all got so drunk that they wanted to give each other blowjobs, but no one knows whether they really did it.

This news may not go down well with the owner who preaches good discipline and healthy heterosexual relationships. Apparently, Chin Yuen and Kee Siang, a few days ago, were being examined by the club physicians to determine whether they indeed smoked marijuana. The club refused to release reports on whether they did.

GOT CAGE?

In celebration of Maverick's 4 match streak of not conceding more than 5 goals, the board has planned 2 hours of cage football. Interested applicants please rsvp Clement or Seng Yew.
Include also, your dates of availability.

Entertainment! Now! Breaking News

The Mavericks Board have announced plans for an upcoming war biopic film set during the period of the Vietnam War which follows a band of mercenaries on their mission to retrieve a Gorilla kidnapped from the 5th cage of the London zoo. The film is based on the true events of the capture of Britain's most beloved Ghanaian Gorilla, MonkeyEss, in exchange for Britain's help in the Vietnam War.

The Board have slated a late Spring 2009 release for this epic movie which will star several Mavericks players, as the board aims to build up on the directorial success of Director Seng Yew's recent gay film which garnered rave reviews from movie critics, and most notably for the hugely endearing performances from Chris and Chuan Ji.

The war film, aptly titled, "Viet-numb: Operation Flaccid Arrow", was inspired by the many critical and paternal physical injuries suffered by several Mavericks personnel during the filming of the show, although this did not stop some of them from having fun at Double O despite their bodies and parts feeling numb.

The movie will be filmed in Saigon, and it will feature explosive battle scenes, which will be spoken in gibberish to make it an authentic feature film depicting the horrifying aspects of war, whereby focus will be on the dog attack-scenes which played an instrumental role in determining the outcome of the war.

The Vietcong, the lightly armed South Vietnamese communist insurgency, largely fought a gorilla war against anti-Outsiders forces in the region. The North Vietnamese Army engaged in a more unconventional war, at times committing a large-sized, dark-coloured god and several disdainful, gibberish-speaking beasts into battle, kicketh and layeth the smackethdown on everything in it's path, leaving the Outsider forces, who relied on the technical superiority of General Kee Siang and Battalion Leader Amir, bloodied and wounded in its wake.

The film is not without controversy though. An UN official, rumoured to be Thng Tong No Foul De Mai, who is the current head of the Vietnam Sports Centre of Justice believes the film has an unfair portrayal of the Vietnamese who he reiterates are just spring roll loving simple folks who would never bash through opponents from their backs.

This movie has already been tipped to snag the upcoming Star Awards 2010, and according to inside sources, early footage of the film was leaked onto Youtube by an unidentified Youtube-user whose email address "thereferee1962@gmail.com" was about the only information known about him. The sneak-peek video entitled, "Chiến tranh nabệ chi byệ" has already garnered almost 2000 hits since it's release, and this is prove enough of the level of anticipation regarding the movie's release.


LEAKED!!! Production shots from new war epic, Viet-Numb



Coming soon to a theatre near you!

Latest News

Here, we bring u another edition of The Outsiders Times, YOUR only source of news for Mavericks FC and everything else associated with the club.

• Pre-season Press Conference

The Mavericks Owner is back in town after a 3-month-long hiatus and has returned from Taiwan to resume control over the club's matters. She has been away on holiday after the filming of her recent drama, "ToGetHer", and has quickly reasserted herself with the goings-on in the club, and has expressed her discontent with the recent revelations that has happened in the team.

She has requested an almost immediate press conference at the Stade de Sembawang Reception Centre as soon as she touched down from her flight at the airport. The new korean Mavericks correspondent Mr. Ji-sung Park was there to catch up on all the action.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Owner: Hie everyone! It's good to be back. Hope u guys enjoyed my drama following it's conclusion a couple of weeks back!

Journalists and Crowds: Noooooooo.... (in unison)

Owner: Hmmpf. why?!

Journalist Lady: The ending was too predictable! Sucks!

Stadium Groundsman: Not nice lor the ending. si bei super lame. kannnasai! si mi lan.....

(Groundsman being escorted away by Security)

Mavericks Correspondent: You should watch more korean dramas. Could learn a thing or two hor. Us Koreans always make our dramas that much more melodramatic. Look at our recent drama, "Boys Over Flowers". IT'S THE BEST DRAMA EVER! It's the in thing now! So emo-licious!

And ooooh the Hot guys hor! 만나서 반가워요 (Mannaseo bangawoyo)! 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요 (Nae hoebuhkeurapeuteuneun changuhro kadeuk cha itseyo)!

Owner: Excuse me, but who are you?

Mavericks Correspondent: I've just joined this great club as a behind-the-scenes person. Hie (shakes hand with Owner). I'm Ji-sung. Just call me Ji-sung Park.

Owner: What happened to the previous one? What was his name....erm.. Mr Mango? no no no....
Mr Banana? No no no...not that. Oh! Mr Lemon. What happened to him?

Ji-sung: Oh him. He caught the Babi Flu.

Owner: Oh okay. But at least he wasn't gay. Anyway, on a serious note, the reason I'm here is to announce my plans for the upcoming season, and also to talk about the recent issues that has bugged me alot lately about this club that i love.

I understand that the team ended the previous season relatively well by our standards. The league was a good experience for us all, and i think we did alright, considering the kind of football we played. 3 wins, 3 draws, and 3 losses, and we finished mid-table. All in all, I am satisfied with the way things went in our maiden league season.

This season, I am making big plans, and I'll be ringing in the changes. Last season's motto was, "Just Survive". And we did survive, come the end of the league season, and we didn't get relegated.

However, I think it's time we look up, and take another step forward. If we're gonna start winning games, we must also do it in style. That is, I hereby announce to you all. The Mavericks FC motto for season 09/10.

"To Play Orgasmic Football".

What I mean here is not the kind of orgasm you get from watching my movie, "Spider Lilies", which I'm sure a lot of you did.





Horny Otaku Journalist: (squeals) AH AH YESSSZZZ!!! Isz therez gonna be a sequelzZz?!!!


Owner: Heehee...maybe. Thankie you. Anyway, back to business.

Football needs to be played beautifully. At times, or rather, most of the time, i agree with that idiot Shebby Shebster Singh who thinks that our game is messy and very narrow-minded. We must be able to switch tactically, and mentally. Our possession game is pretty poor, and that was obvious in our recent pre-season friendlies.

But of course, for all of these to come to fruition, it must come from the individual players. I love Chung Wei. His lung-bursting runs always get me so excited. Imagine him in bed pumping away like a pitbull. Heeheehee.

What i mean is, players have to work on their fitnesses. Players like Amir will be dropped soon if his fitness is still like that. He can't even pass his IPPT!

Ji-sung: In Korea, we don't call it IPPT. We call it PFT. Physical Fitness Test.

Owner: Thanks but who asked you. Anyway, I am pretty positive, that with my players being 100% fit, they won't switch off in the last 25 minutes of the game or so, where goals are scored and conceded especially. I need players to be in tip-top shape. And the fittest players, and I mean, ONLY the fittest players get to see the preview of my upcoming movie Spider Lilies 2. Heehee!

With fitness, we can be able to pass and move effectively. That's as simple as that. I have noticed that players are too tired to move into open spaces, and therefore, it makes our game narrow as a result. And we can't maintain possession!

So, with fitness, Orgamic Football will happen.

Ji-sung: So what about the recent issues that are so serious?

Owner: I have reviewed the recent screenings of Director Seng Yew's latest movie, and reports have quoted me as being tough on the guys regarding the gay antics galore that is in the show. On the pitch, with love, i mean brotherly love, Chris and Chuan Ji can make it all work well for the team. Even Alexander the Great was gay. He was a great gay. I mean guy.

Heehee! The love between men makes the bonds stronger, and on the battlefield they will fight with all their heart and soul for their loves. This also applies to football! But enough of the "helicopter" antics from Chris please.

Journalist: What about the reports of Barry and Chin Yuen cuddling?

Owner: I am pretty sure that it wasn't Barry. Chin Yuen was with Darran instead. It's true. I saw it on facebook! Go see their tagged photos! They were seen clubbing and hugging the night away! So cute together! But of course, it is a lot nicer when girls do it!


Journalist: So any thoughts of who might step up the plate and become YOUR favourite player in this upcoming season? Last season was Clement, but we're all pretty positive that you've had enough fun with him already?

Owner: Yes yes. I loved Clement's Mitsubishi Lancer. But now, I'm more of a Honda Jazz kind of gal. Faizy is so kawaii-nehs-ness!

Ji-sung Park: You should give me a chance! I was voted sexiest korean hunk 2008! It's true! Ask my pal Carloz Tevez. You know he's got good taste just by looking at him!


Owner: Someone please take this korean boy away. Please.

By the way, hope you all like this photo shoot I did for the team!

Thanks for the audience everyone, and we'll be looking for a our first win in the new season this Saturday! I promise that it will be a different Mavericks team than the one you've seen in recent weeks!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's all for this edition of The Outsiders Times. Comments very much welcomed.

Ji-sung Park, Mavericks Correspondent at your service, on the spot where it all matters.

Note that Ji-sung Park is of no relation to Park Ji-Sung who wears the number 13 jersey for Sir Alex Ferguson's Manchester United. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Okay, there might be some resemblance, but can't blame people for wanting to be Park Ji-Sung. He's so damn cool.

Match Preview

Date: 23 May 09
Venue: Broadrick Sec (Kallang area, I think)
Kick-off: 1500
Opponents: NUS Vietnam Students United (Operation Team Helicopter FC)
Kit: White
Cost: $100

Players available:

• Alex
  
• Chris
• Clement
• Chuan Ji
• Chao Xing
  
• Jiun Wei
  
• Seng Yew
• Barry
• Faizy
  
• Chung Wei
• Amir
• Randy
• Wei Long
• Kee Siang
  

We are up against an opponent who is the current reigning champions of the AFF Suzuki Cup! Mavericks has been in a very good form at the moment with 3 consecutive losses in pre-season so far. They have been playing just like Newcastle United. Can they get another loss?

In the Mavericks tabloids, the club's laughing full-back Chris has been allegedly caught watching and surfing for gay porn at Director Seng Yew's house. Sources state that Chris is watching how to perform the moves in Chuan Ji in the upcoming gay movie. Sources also state that Chris has been practising the bizarre 'helicopter' move and that he plans to do it on Chuan Ji.

Rumour has it that Amir has been casted as co-director to the highly-anticipated gay film as he had been spotted, with Chris and Seng Yew, choosing which positions are best for the movie. Apparently, the 'helicopter' move was initiated by flamboyant winger Amir. To see the 'helicopter' move, pls visit www.chrisheartschuanji.com. (NSFW)

Meanwhile, Barry and Chin Yuen have been spotted kissing and cuddling at Pasir Ris Park at around 3.27am a few days back. When confronted by a female Mavericks fan, Chin Yuen replied that they were merely practising for the upcoming movie.

Mavericks owner, together with all other fans, has been very excited about this new movie and can't wait for its release. However, it was noted that the owner will not want the gay antics to continue after the movie. Chris, however, may not agree to it..... more to come.....

Match Preview

Date: 16 May 09 (Saturday)
Venue: Bedok Green Sec
Kick-off: 3pm
Opponents: TBC
Kit: WHITE!
Costs: $90

Players available:

• Alex
  
• Seng yew
• Chung Wei
• Faizy
• Darran
• Clement
• Wei Long
• Chao Xing
• Jerome
• Amir
• Oreo ( senior guest player)
• Sean (guest player)
• The Valiant Centreback (guest player)
  

Back to Bedok Green.. Faster confirm attendance people!

More news on the league will be coming up soon.. Stay excited..

Match Preview (pre-season friendly)

Date: 9 May 09
Venue: BLK 367 Yishun Ring Road
Kick-off: 3pm
Kit: BLACK
Opponents: Barry's bro FC (white)
Referee: Tay?
Costs: $90

Players available:

1. Jerome
2. Alex
3. Seng Yew
4. Chris
5. Weilong
6. Chung
7. Chin Yuen
8. Wei Jie
9. Faizy
10. Sar
11. Chuan Ji
12. More to confirm?

Friendly kickoff before season starts !

Mavericks Tabloids

Director Seng Yew, who recently announced to the media that he is gay, is set to do a sequel to Gus Van Sant's gay film, Milk 2: Got Milk?.

Mavericks midfielders Barry and Chin Yuen are set to star in the film as two gay lovebirds in a love triangle with captain Chao Xing!

This controversial film about gay life is set to be released at the end of the year.

It is also rumoured that Chuan Ji and Chris will be involved in a hot shower scene together.

Sunday Serangoon Futsal League legend LALA is set to guest star as Chris' incestuous brother
love interest in the film.

More details will be released soon by director Seng Yew, who at the same time may hint to the media of his new love interest. (there has been speculation that the person is flamboyant Mavericks winger Amir Shearer, who is rumoured to be sacrificing his virginity to Sir Alex of Ferguson for a place in the Man Utd squad after Newcastle Utd's relegation)

Next up?

Happy Labour Day!

Clement suggested that we start the ball kicking from next weekend onwards.. (9 - 10 May)

Takers? Please respond asap even if you can't play! and if you can't make it.. let us know when would be an ideal date to kick the ball!



Note: We hope to see at least 11 names b4 Wednesday.. if not... it's abit difficult for the organisers yeah...


on a sidenote,

toGetHer is coming to its exciting ending..! Who will Momo (Rainie!) end up with in the end? Catch it this Saturday!

Hey guys.. we have a friendly proposal from the referee:

9 May 09 (saturday)

3pm kickoff

Bedok Green sec

on?!