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Here, we bring u another edition of The Outsiders Times, YOUR only source of news for Mavericks FC and everything else associated with the club.
The Mavericks Owner is back in town after a 3-month-long hiatus and has returned from Taiwan to resume control over the club's matters. She has been away on holiday after the filming of her recent drama, "ToGetHer", and has quickly reasserted herself with the goings-on in the club, and has expressed her discontent with the recent revelations that has happened in the team.
She has requested an almost immediate press conference at the Stade de Sembawang Reception Centre as soon as she touched down from her flight at the airport. The new korean Mavericks correspondent Mr. Ji-sung Park was there to catch up on all the action.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owner: Hie everyone! It's good to be back. Hope u guys enjoyed my drama following it's conclusion a couple of weeks back!
Journalists and Crowds: Noooooooo.... (in unison)
Owner: Hmmpf. why?!
Journalist Lady: The ending was too predictable! Sucks!
Stadium Groundsman: Not nice lor the ending. si bei super lame. kannnasai! si mi lan.....
(Groundsman being escorted away by Security)
Mavericks Correspondent: You should watch more korean dramas. Could learn a thing or two hor. Us Koreans always make our dramas that much more melodramatic. Look at our recent drama, "Boys Over Flowers". IT'S THE BEST DRAMA EVER! It's the in thing now! So emo-licious!
And ooooh the Hot guys hor! 만나서 반가워요 (Mannaseo bangawoyo)! 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요 (Nae hoebuhkeurapeuteuneun changuhro kadeuk cha itseyo)!
Owner: Excuse me, but who are you?
Mavericks Correspondent: I've just joined this great club as a behind-the-scenes person. Hie (shakes hand with Owner). I'm Ji-sung. Just call me Ji-sung Park.
Owner: What happened to the previous one? What was his name....erm.. Mr Mango? no no no....
Mr Banana? No no no...not that. Oh! Mr Lemon. What happened to him?
Ji-sung: Oh him. He caught the Babi Flu.
Owner: Oh okay. But at least he wasn't gay. Anyway, on a serious note, the reason I'm here is to announce my plans for the upcoming season, and also to talk about the recent issues that has bugged me alot lately about this club that i love.
I understand that the team ended the previous season relatively well by our standards. The league was a good experience for us all, and i think we did alright, considering the kind of football we played. 3 wins, 3 draws, and 3 losses, and we finished mid-table. All in all, I am satisfied with the way things went in our maiden league season.
This season, I am making big plans, and I'll be ringing in the changes. Last season's motto was, "Just Survive". And we did survive, come the end of the league season, and we didn't get relegated.
However, I think it's time we look up, and take another step forward. If we're gonna start winning games, we must also do it in style. That is, I hereby announce to you all. The Mavericks FC motto for season 09/10.
"To Play Orgasmic Football".
What I mean here is not the kind of orgasm you get from watching my movie, "Spider Lilies", which I'm sure a lot of you did.
Horny Otaku Journalist: (squeals) AH AH YESSSZZZ!!! Isz therez gonna be a sequelzZz?!!!
Owner: Heehee...maybe. Thankie you. Anyway, back to business.
Football needs to be played beautifully. At times, or rather, most of the time, i agree with that idiot Shebby Shebster Singh who thinks that our game is messy and very narrow-minded. We must be able to switch tactically, and mentally. Our possession game is pretty poor, and that was obvious in our recent pre-season friendlies.
But of course, for all of these to come to fruition, it must come from the individual players. I love Chung Wei. His lung-bursting runs always get me so excited. Imagine him in bed pumping away like a pitbull. Heeheehee.
What i mean is, players have to work on their fitnesses. Players like Amir will be dropped soon if his fitness is still like that. He can't even pass his IPPT!
Ji-sung: In Korea, we don't call it IPPT. We call it PFT. Physical Fitness Test.
Owner: Thanks but who asked you. Anyway, I am pretty positive, that with my players being 100% fit, they won't switch off in the last 25 minutes of the game or so, where goals are scored and conceded especially. I need players to be in tip-top shape. And the fittest players, and I mean, ONLY the fittest players get to see the preview of my upcoming movie Spider Lilies 2. Heehee!
With fitness, we can be able to pass and move effectively. That's as simple as that. I have noticed that players are too tired to move into open spaces, and therefore, it makes our game narrow as a result. And we can't maintain possession!
So, with fitness, Orgamic Football will happen.
Ji-sung: So what about the recent issues that are so serious?
Owner: I have reviewed the recent screenings of Director Seng Yew's latest movie, and reports have quoted me as being tough on the guys regarding the gay antics galore that is in the show. On the pitch, with love, i mean brotherly love, Chris and Chuan Ji can make it all work well for the team. Even Alexander the Great was gay. He was a great gay. I mean guy.
Heehee! The love between men makes the bonds stronger, and on the battlefield they will fight with all their heart and soul for their loves. This also applies to football! But enough of the "helicopter" antics from Chris please.
Journalist: What about the reports of Barry and Chin Yuen cuddling?
Owner: I am pretty sure that it wasn't Barry. Chin Yuen was with Darran instead. It's true. I saw it on facebook! Go see their tagged photos! They were seen clubbing and hugging the night away! So cute together! But of course, it is a lot nicer when girls do it!
Journalist: So any thoughts of who might step up the plate and become YOUR favourite player in this upcoming season? Last season was Clement, but we're all pretty positive that you've had enough fun with him already?
Owner: Yes yes. I loved Clement's Mitsubishi Lancer. But now, I'm more of a Honda Jazz kind of gal. Faizy is so kawaii-nehs-ness!
Ji-sung Park: You should give me a chance! I was voted sexiest korean hunk 2008! It's true! Ask my pal Carloz Tevez. You know he's got good taste just by looking at him!
Owner: Someone please take this korean boy away. Please.
By the way, hope you all like this photo shoot I did for the team!
Thanks for the audience everyone, and we'll be looking for a our first win in the new season this Saturday! I promise that it will be a different Mavericks team than the one you've seen in recent weeks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's all for this edition of The Outsiders Times. Comments very much welcomed.
Ji-sung Park, Mavericks Correspondent at your service, on the spot where it all matters.
Note that Ji-sung Park is of no relation to Park Ji-Sung who wears the number 13 jersey for Sir Alex Ferguson's Manchester United. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Okay, there might be some resemblance, but can't blame people for wanting to be Park Ji-Sung. He's so damn cool.
- Pre-season Press Conference
The Mavericks Owner is back in town after a 3-month-long hiatus and has returned from Taiwan to resume control over the club's matters. She has been away on holiday after the filming of her recent drama, "ToGetHer", and has quickly reasserted herself with the goings-on in the club, and has expressed her discontent with the recent revelations that has happened in the team.
She has requested an almost immediate press conference at the Stade de Sembawang Reception Centre as soon as she touched down from her flight at the airport. The new korean Mavericks correspondent Mr. Ji-sung Park was there to catch up on all the action.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owner: Hie everyone! It's good to be back. Hope u guys enjoyed my drama following it's conclusion a couple of weeks back!
Journalists and Crowds: Noooooooo.... (in unison)
Owner: Hmmpf. why?!
Journalist Lady: The ending was too predictable! Sucks!
Stadium Groundsman: Not nice lor the ending. si bei super lame. kannnasai! si mi lan.....
(Groundsman being escorted away by Security)
Mavericks Correspondent: You should watch more korean dramas. Could learn a thing or two hor. Us Koreans always make our dramas that much more melodramatic. Look at our recent drama, "Boys Over Flowers". IT'S THE BEST DRAMA EVER! It's the in thing now! So emo-licious!
And ooooh the Hot guys hor! 만나서 반가워요 (Mannaseo bangawoyo)! 내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요 (Nae hoebuhkeurapeuteuneun changuhro kadeuk cha itseyo)!
Owner: Excuse me, but who are you?
Mavericks Correspondent: I've just joined this great club as a behind-the-scenes person. Hie (shakes hand with Owner). I'm Ji-sung. Just call me Ji-sung Park.
Owner: What happened to the previous one? What was his name....erm.. Mr Mango? no no no....
Mr Banana? No no no...not that. Oh! Mr Lemon. What happened to him?
Ji-sung: Oh him. He caught the Babi Flu.
Owner: Oh okay. But at least he wasn't gay. Anyway, on a serious note, the reason I'm here is to announce my plans for the upcoming season, and also to talk about the recent issues that has bugged me alot lately about this club that i love.
I understand that the team ended the previous season relatively well by our standards. The league was a good experience for us all, and i think we did alright, considering the kind of football we played. 3 wins, 3 draws, and 3 losses, and we finished mid-table. All in all, I am satisfied with the way things went in our maiden league season.
This season, I am making big plans, and I'll be ringing in the changes. Last season's motto was, "Just Survive". And we did survive, come the end of the league season, and we didn't get relegated.
However, I think it's time we look up, and take another step forward. If we're gonna start winning games, we must also do it in style. That is, I hereby announce to you all. The Mavericks FC motto for season 09/10.
"To Play Orgasmic Football".
What I mean here is not the kind of orgasm you get from watching my movie, "Spider Lilies", which I'm sure a lot of you did.
Horny Otaku Journalist: (squeals) AH AH YESSSZZZ!!! Isz therez gonna be a sequelzZz?!!!
Owner: Heehee...maybe. Thankie you. Anyway, back to business.
Football needs to be played beautifully. At times, or rather, most of the time, i agree with that idiot Shebby Shebster Singh who thinks that our game is messy and very narrow-minded. We must be able to switch tactically, and mentally. Our possession game is pretty poor, and that was obvious in our recent pre-season friendlies.
But of course, for all of these to come to fruition, it must come from the individual players. I love Chung Wei. His lung-bursting runs always get me so excited. Imagine him in bed pumping away like a pitbull. Heeheehee.
What i mean is, players have to work on their fitnesses. Players like Amir will be dropped soon if his fitness is still like that. He can't even pass his IPPT!
Ji-sung: In Korea, we don't call it IPPT. We call it PFT. Physical Fitness Test.
Owner: Thanks but who asked you. Anyway, I am pretty positive, that with my players being 100% fit, they won't switch off in the last 25 minutes of the game or so, where goals are scored and conceded especially. I need players to be in tip-top shape. And the fittest players, and I mean, ONLY the fittest players get to see the preview of my upcoming movie Spider Lilies 2. Heehee!
With fitness, we can be able to pass and move effectively. That's as simple as that. I have noticed that players are too tired to move into open spaces, and therefore, it makes our game narrow as a result. And we can't maintain possession!
So, with fitness, Orgamic Football will happen.
Ji-sung: So what about the recent issues that are so serious?
Owner: I have reviewed the recent screenings of Director Seng Yew's latest movie, and reports have quoted me as being tough on the guys regarding the gay antics galore that is in the show. On the pitch, with love, i mean brotherly love, Chris and Chuan Ji can make it all work well for the team. Even Alexander the Great was gay. He was a great gay. I mean guy.
Heehee! The love between men makes the bonds stronger, and on the battlefield they will fight with all their heart and soul for their loves. This also applies to football! But enough of the "helicopter" antics from Chris please.
Journalist: What about the reports of Barry and Chin Yuen cuddling?
Owner: I am pretty sure that it wasn't Barry. Chin Yuen was with Darran instead. It's true. I saw it on facebook! Go see their tagged photos! They were seen clubbing and hugging the night away! So cute together! But of course, it is a lot nicer when girls do it!Journalist: So any thoughts of who might step up the plate and become YOUR favourite player in this upcoming season? Last season was Clement, but we're all pretty positive that you've had enough fun with him already?
Owner: Yes yes. I loved Clement's Mitsubishi Lancer. But now, I'm more of a Honda Jazz kind of gal. Faizy is so kawaii-nehs-ness!
Ji-sung Park: You should give me a chance! I was voted sexiest korean hunk 2008! It's true! Ask my pal Carloz Tevez. You know he's got good taste just by looking at him!
Owner: Someone please take this korean boy away. Please.By the way, hope you all like this photo shoot I did for the team!
Thanks for the audience everyone, and we'll be looking for a our first win in the new season this Saturday! I promise that it will be a different Mavericks team than the one you've seen in recent weeks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's all for this edition of The Outsiders Times. Comments very much welcomed.
Ji-sung Park, Mavericks Correspondent at your service, on the spot where it all matters.
Note that Ji-sung Park is of no relation to Park Ji-Sung who wears the number 13 jersey for Sir Alex Ferguson's Manchester United. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Okay, there might be some resemblance, but can't blame people for wanting to be Park Ji-Sung. He's so damn cool.
posted by The Outsider at
12:29 AM
